Who taught you that?
Understanding gender norms, gender-based violence and femicide.
Recognise the harm. Question the narratives. Change the story.
Who are we talking about?
Teenage girls and boys.
What can we do?
Educate, don’t shame.
When?
As early as age 11.
Where do they get their ideas?
Social media, school, teachers, peers, parents and upbringing.
Spot the signs
Unsafe relationships rarely start with violence. They often start with small things that grow: control, pressure, and fear. Pick the situation that fits.
One sign doesn’t prove anything. A pattern that grows over time is what matters. Signs can show up online too: constant messages, demands for passwords or photos, or being watched through shared locations and followed accounts.
Who taught you that?
Many harmful ideas sound normal because we hear them everywhere. Open each one and question it.
“If they get jealous, it means they really care.”
Question it. Jealousy is a feeling. Controlling who you see or what’s on your phone is not care. A healthy relationship leaves room for your friends, your phone, and your plans.
“Real men don’t talk about feelings.”
Question it. Everyone has feelings. Learning to name them is how we handle anger and rejection without hurting anyone. Research finds only small differences in how boys and girls express emotions. Expectations and context matter more (Chaplin & Aldao, 2013).
“If she says no, she just wants me to try harder.”
Question it. No means no. Pushing after a no is pressure, not romance. Everyone gets rejected, and it says nothing about your worth.
“What happens in a relationship is private.”
Question it. Safety isn’t a private matter. A friend who notices and speaks up can change everything.
Get help
Asking for help is not weak and not dramatic. You decide how much to share.
Danger right now
Call 112 (EU emergency number). If you can’t talk, stay on the line.
Talk to someone
Choose your country.
Youth helpline
Free for anyone under 18. Call 0800 123 456.
At school
A teacher, mentor, or school psychologist can listen and help you plan. Not sure who to ask? Start at the school office.
Helping a friend
Spot
You’ve noticed something is off. Trust that.
Speak
“I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Step in
Don’t confront the other person alone. Bring in a trusted adult.
If this is about you
Wanting to control someone, or struggling with anger after rejection, is something you can change. Talking to a school counsellor or a helpline is a good first step. You’re not a bad person for asking.
Community
Ask questions and read what others share. No accounts, no real names. Every post is reviewed by trained moderators.
For schools
A lesson series for students from age 11 that gets them thinking, talking, and doing. Lessons are for the whole class, girls and boys together. A school psychologist is present, and nobody has to share personal experiences.
Social media and gender stereotypes
Main idea: what you see online is not always the truth. Students watch a short scene where a situation escalates in subtle ways, then analyse fictional posts (traditional roles, “tradwife” content, messages about masculinity).
They finish by rewriting one post into a more equal and realistic message, then share it in the moderated community.
Rejection, emotions, and respect
Main idea: rejection is okay, and never a reason to control someone. Groups sort possible reactions into respectful and boundary-crossing, then practise saying no, and taking a no, respectfully.
Stepping in
Main idea: small actions from friends and classmates make a difference. Students practise safe ways to check in on a friend and learn when to involve a trusted adult. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Show what you learned
Groups of three get a scenario with the ending missing and film a short video showing how to steer it in the right direction safely. The best video is featured on the campaign’s channels.
How it runs
- Start small: one school per EU member state, then grow.
- Delivered by trained university students in social studies or education, who earn credits.
- School psychologist present at every lesson.
- Students continue in the moderated online community.
Request the toolkit
About
Who Taught You That? is a European campaign for young people aged 11–18 and the schools that support them. It looks at where ideas about gender come from, and how to change the ones that cause harm.
Educate, don’t shame
Nobody is cast as the villain. Everyone is part of the story.
Girls and boys
Both groups get a safe space to ask, doubt, and learn.
Do, not just listen
Students apply what they learn and build community.
Why start young
Attitudes about gender form in early adolescence, shaped by peers, teachers, parents, and social media. In the Netherlands, about 6 in 10 women aged 20–60 who are victims of homicide are killed by a current or former partner (Statistics Netherlands, 2025). Online, girls are targeted more often than boys, and most young people who witness online violence don’t step in (EIGE, 2026).
Research basis: Ullrich et al. (2024) on gender role attitudes at school; EIGE (2026) on cyber violence against girls; Chaplin & Aldao (2013) on emotional expression.
Press and partnership enquiries: info@whotaughtyouthat.eu